It is definitely spring. Time to try to get the lawn back into shape. Time to keep up with the Joneses. The grubs have had their way with my precious little blades of grass yet again. And if it wasn’t the grubs, it was the blistering heat of the sun burning out large swaths of formally green grass. Bottom line … my lawn looks horrible.

Rake up the dead stuff. Scratch up the top soil. Lay down fresh new grass seed. Then cover it all up with bales full of straw. Water liberally and repeatedly and hope that grass sprouts up in a few weeks. You know the routine.

But what was the reason for the straw again? Why this extra step? I suspect that the dude selling the straw will still say this is a vital step in getting new seed to germinate and grow. I’m sure he’ll say that it is to help keep the moisture in and to keep the birds from eating up all of the new, delicious seed. But I think I’ve discovered another, and more important reason … having the straw out on the new patches of seeded areas is to simply inform the neighbors that you are working on it, and that you aren’t really the hillbilly that your lawn makes you out to be. It is a homeowners way of saying to the neighbors “Yes, I know my lawn looks like garbage. No, I’m not neglecting it. No, this didn’t happen because I’m lazy. See! I’ve done so much work already, it couldn’t be laziness. See! I’ve got it covered in straw. So, please, have patience with me.”

Yes, I firmly believe now that I’ve had this revelation that besides the grass seed itself, straw is the most important material to use when reseeding grass in your yard.

The day was cold and damp. The yardwork debris can hold off enough day. As luck would have it, a fresh yet temporary blanket of snow would later cover up the unchecked chore. A perfect day for Uncle Frog to give the Bacon Explosion a whirl.

With two pounds of super thick-cut bacon and two pounds of freshly ground Italian breakfast sausage, how could things possibly look brighter? I know … cheese. Lots and lots of fancy shredded cheese. And a few slices of colby-jack to add to the celebrations. There is no better way to commemorate a milestone birthday than to put a twist on a Bacon Explosion … add cheese and it’s the bomb. A bacon bomb!

If you have six minutes, a love for bacon and want to see what I did yesterday, here you go:

So all you parents out there who told your good ole Uncle Frog that time flies even faster once you have a child … you are right.  I cannot believe that more than a year has gone by since my beautiful baby girl, Cassie, was born.  On the other hand, I can barely remember life before having her.  

This first year has been an incredible journey.  We’ve learned quite a lot.  She is a very happy and healthy baby.  We couldn’t be happier.  Although the “free time” is much less, we wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Your Uncle Frog is going to attempt to reminisce about this past year in order to share some stories and baby/infant product recommendations.  If for no other reason than to be able to look back on my “notes” in the event that we are blessed with another child.  Now that Octomom has everyone distracted in the baby-news area, perhaps we can have another child under the cover of darkness.  Thanks, Octomom (you big weirdo)!

Be leary of the government who charges or taxes people for their so-called bad habbits.  Take Alabama for instance.  This state government already charges their employees extra if they are smokers.  And all of you who sat on the sideline cheering on the onslaught of attacks on poor, innocent smokers are now seeing the next class of people to be targetted.  That’s right … fat people!  The state of Alabama is going to start charging state employees money if they are obese.

Fat People Eat Through The Mouth But Pay Through The Nose!

Starting in 2011, any employee considered obese with a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 35 or more will be charged $25 per month to keep their health insurance.  They already charge smokers $24 per month.  What’s next?  A $26 charge per month if they have any other hair color but blonde??  And then a $27 charge per month if they have another eye color besides blue??  Hitler would be proud.  Personally I’m disgusted with the acceptance that government can dictate how anyone lives their lives.

Show your Fat Pride and protest such movement through the proper use of humor by wearing one (or more) of these hilarious fat pride t-shirts !

Here is another funny, funny list of tips and tricks that seems to be circulating around the internet via e-mail lately (sorry for the SHOUTING, but this is how it came to me and I don’t want to retype it):

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY  GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET

SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF

AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON
YOUR VEINS.  REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT

YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE  BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES.  THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – WD -40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT

DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40 IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND
DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL

PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES – NOT REALLY GOOD

FOR ANYTHING  BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED
DOWN THE STAIRS. 

Get in the groove with an R&B frog on the road as Road Frog sings his nasty tune. This creative video highlights a dirty mouth frog singing some hip-hop shenanigans on a raunchy road trip. The rubber frog lip synchs to this popular song. It’s actually quite humorous and entertaining.

Produced and directed by www.evilgeniuscomics.com and www.chiofcheese.com

Delicious “frogaritos” are an easy meal or snack.  Simply heat up your favorite hot dog on a flour tortilla with cheese, add condiments, roll up and eat away.  It’s a tasty twist on an American classic food.

Hey everyone! This is a little lengthy, but well worth the read… Apparently this made circulation on the internet around 2006 or 2007, supposedly by Jay Leno, but more likely to have been written by a man named Craig Smith… Anyway, a little food for thought I thought was worth sharing… What’s your opinion?

The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across
some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be
true, given the source, right?

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67% of Americans are unhappy
with the direction the country is headed, and 69% of the
country is unhappy with the performance of the President.
In essence, two-thirds of the citizenry just ain’t happy and
wants a change.

So being the knuckle dragger that I am, I started thinking,
“What’re we so unhappy about?”

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24/7?
Is our unhappiness the result of having A/C in the summer and
heating in the winter?

Could it be that 95.4% of these unhappy folks have a job?
Maybe it’s the ability to walk into a grocery store at any
time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the
last year?

Maybe it’s the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the
Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers
as we move through each state?
Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we’d find
along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine
from around the world is just not good enough.

Or could it be that when we wreck our cars, emergency workers
show up and provide services to help all, and even send a
helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70% of Americans who own a home.
You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of
a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments
and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus
saving you, your family, and your belongings.

Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen
TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a
gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your
family against attack or loss.

This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or
militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods
where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political
freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that’s what has 67% of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we’re the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats
the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the USA,
yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what
we are: the most blessed people in the world who do nothing
but complain about what we don’t have, and what we hate about
the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the President who took us into
war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a
measly 31% approval rating? Is this the same President who
guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President
who cut taxes to bring an economy out of a recession? Could
this be the same guy who’s been called every name in the book
for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats
safe from terrorist attacks?

The Commander-in-Chief of an all-volunteer army that’s out
there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President
is on the news or on a talk show? Did this news affect you so
much, make you so unhappy, that you couldn’t take a look
around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?

Think about it. Are you upset at the President because he
actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the media
told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind
every day?

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan
have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for
your freedom. There’s currently no draft in this country. They
didn’t have to go.

They’re able to refuse to go and end up with either a
“general” discharge, an “other than honorable” discharge or,
worst case scenario, a “dishonorable” discharge after a few
days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontent in the minds of 69% of
Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If
it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news.
Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many
will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media
knows this, and media outlets are for-profit corporations.
They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend
their actions by justifying them in one way or another.

Stop buying the negativism you’re fed every day by the media.
Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for
the bottom of your birdcage. Then start being grateful for
all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good
than bad.

We’re among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank
God several times a day, or at least be thankful and
appreciative.

With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides,
flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one
end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist
attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of
the Pledge of Allegiance?

Interesting QuestionNICKNAMES

  • If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and  Sarah.

  • If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

  • When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

  • When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

  • A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

  • A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she  doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

  • A man has six items in his bathroom:  toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a  towel .

  • The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these  items.

ARGUMENTS

  • A woman has the last word in  any argument.

  • Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

  • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

  • A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

  • A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

  • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

  • A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

  • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a  book, and get the mail.

  • A man will dress up for weddings and  funerals.

NATURAL

  • Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

  • Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

  • Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about  dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

  • A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE  DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.  There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Bouncy SeatCassie has grown to about eleven pounds already at eleven weeks of age this past Friday.  I can’t believe she has more than doubled in size.  Generally she is a very good eater, taking about four ounces every three hours.  But lately she’s been cutting back on her 7:00 a.m. morning feeding to two to three ounces of expressed mother’s milk.  She seems to be eating plenty good otherwise, and continues to gain weight.  I suppose she findseating straight from the tap preferable now; I don’t blame her.

The first of the morning feedings are my quality time with Cassie.  We let Mrs Frog sleep in a little bit, as she does all the rest of the feedings, including the deep night feeding at approximately 3:30 a.m.  During the day, we are still trying to stay on schedule for an eat-play-sleep rotation.  Cassie sometimes prefers an eat-sleep-play rotation.  But we’ve been pretty successful most of the time in getting the order of activities right for her.

Our favorite morning activity is the bouncy seat.  After she eats up in her nursery, we go down into our home office and get about twenty minutes or so in the bouncy seat with the control set to bounce.  She likes this bouncy setting much more than the vibrate, and will smile and coo and look around the room.  Cassie absolutely adores this.  Plus, it allows Daddy to rest his arms a bit. 

In a previous blog article, Uncle Frog bragged about not having to use the Bobby Pillow.  But that was when she weighed five to seven pounds.  Now that she’s over ten pounds, these big burly arms can tire out after a while.  I admit it.  The boppy pillow is a fantastic tool.  As is the bouncy seat.  Both are highly recommended by this humble frog.

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